February 3

Accepting Our Imperfect Selves

Page 35

"Accepting that we make mistakes and that they are not the end of the world or the end of a relationship is part of coming to terms with our own humanity."

Living Clean, Chapter 5, "Friendship"

Self-destruct mode is a common default setting for many addicts. When we screw up, we think, Maybe it's just better if I don't talk to them ever again. This self-defeating mindset would have us avoid uncomfortable conversations at all costs. We come to learn that these awkward moments are rich opportunities for growth.

Step Ten gets us in the habit of examining our part in every situation. We see our liabilities but no longer believe we are the sum total of our mistakes. We learn to sustain relationships instead of blowing them up and walking away. We make amends when it's warranted. We learn how to communicate directly, to know our limits, to listen, and to apologize.

We learn to be as forgiving with ourselves as we are with others. When we accept the humanity of those around us, by extension, we can grasp our own humanity. We start to treat ourselves with more compassion and embrace our imperfection. We find, as one member put it, that we are "broken in all the right places." Being real and flawed and vulnerable and self-aware is attractive. We connect with others when we allow ourselves to be fully human.

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I am learning to treat myself as a friend, instead of as a liability. I will strive to set my "broken" pieces within their proper context and wholly embrace the mosaic that I am.