March 21

Surrendering Our Reservations

Page 83

"In ridding ourselves of all reservations, we surrender. Then, and only then, can we be helped to recover from the disease of addiction."

Basic Text, Chapter 4, "Step One"

We reserve a place for relapse when we keep a mental list of reasons that might justify using. We can tell they're a problem because we defend and protect them. Our reservations reveal our doubts. Can we stay clean through the death of someone close, a breakup, a job loss, or any major life change?

As we watch other members walk through significant hardships and stay clean, we think maybe we could do the same. Seeing others choose to use when faced with unfortunate circumstances makes us wonder if they had held onto their reservations. We want to continue to recover, so we do our best to root out and surrender our reservations.

As we stay clean, we may find some reservations still lingering. The truth is that we can't predict what challenges will arise. We never know what's going to happen or how we'll feel about it. This is a program for living, and challenges are bound to arise.

Surrender is just as crucial with some cleantime as when we were new. Eventually, we understand the value of surrendering our reservations to the best of our ability, and then surrendering some more when new issues come to the surface. Ongoing surrender gives us the best shot at recovering from this disease. We come to a place where we understand that no matter what experiences life may bring, none of them would improve if we were to use again.

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I will keep surrendering reservations as they crop up and use the tools of recovery to stay clean despite life's challenges.